


just a yellow lemon tree

by ivermectin



Series: wonder how; wonder why [2]
Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dan Humphrey is a Good Parent, F/M, Gen, Georgina being Georgina, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Nate Archibald is a Good Friend, POV Dan Humphrey, Unhealthy Relationships, everything is sort of implied, me: what if dan got to keep milo BUT -, nothing really happens in this fic except references to things, there's ONE chapter with Nate POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28107264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: “I could leave,” Dan says. He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince. “I could leave right now if I wanted to.”“Why do you stay with her, then?” Nate asks. There it is, the million dollar question.Or- AU in which Dan gets to raise Milo. The downside? He's married to Georgina.
Relationships: Dan Humphrey & Blair Waldorf, Dan Humphrey & Milo Humphrey, Dan Humphrey & Serena van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey/Georgina Sparks, Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey
Series: wonder how; wonder why [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094039
Comments: 16
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like the rating should be somewhere between T & M.  
> everything is very ambiguous & open to interpretation - exactly _how_ unhealthy the dangina is is something You, the reader, can choose to imagine. 
> 
> title from "lemon tree" by fool's garden.

Nate opens his door to Dan, just the way Dan knows he would. Nate’s soft when it comes to his friends, soft and non-judgemental in a way unlike anyone else Dan has ever met or known, sometimes disarming enough that it makes him wish that Nate _would_ judge him. He almost misses Nate-and-Vanessa, the way Vanessa’s bluntness and Nate’s mellow acceptance of everything would balance out. Dan thinks he needs a friend who can look at him and remind him that he’s full of shit.

Serena would do that, he knows. But contact with Serena is too much of a risk. Georgie doesn’t mind Nate, she thinks he’s blonde and inoffensive, thinks he’s too passive and uninformed and unintelligent to be a real threat. It works well for Dan, because it means that he always has one place to run away to.

“Bro,” Nate says, as the door swings open, yellow light spilling out into the night. “You look like shit.”

Dan laughs despite himself.

*

They sit on the couch together, sharing cans of beer. They’re both mostly quiet, but Dan is aware of the way that his shoulder is pressing against Nate’s through the thin material of his t-shirt, and Dan’s aware of how he feels here; safe and comfortable, like there are no eyes on him, no fingers prodding at him or hands curling around him, nothing to hold him into place.

Nate doesn’t say anything, but his poker face is shit, always has been. Dan can see it in his expression. _I worry about you._

Eventually, Nate fidgets, taking Dan’s hand in his. It’s a strange gesture, but not unwarranted, not uncomfortable. Nate’s fingers trace the shape of the wedding ring Georgie had gotten him; elegant and classy and simple and oh so heavy. Dan can never forget that he’s wearing it. He’s too spineless to take it off ever, even in the shower.

It’s not a ring that’ll rust, anyway.

Nate traces the band, looks at Dan. “Does she think you’re having an affair?” he asks.

It’s not an unreasonable question. Nights when it gets too much, Dan typically shows up at Nate’s, after all, often still smelling of Georgina’s perfume and alcohol, sometimes still trembling a little, shaking his head when Nate raises an eyebrow, the universal _I don’t want to talk about it._

“She’d find it hilarious if I was having an affair,” Dan says drily. Nate’s looking at him with no weight to his gaze, and it’s easy to be honest here, in his living room. “She practically owns me, body, mind and spirit, anyway. As far as control goes, I’m all hers. She knows I’ll always come back.” He takes another chug of the beer, swallows. “I think sometimes that she gets off on it,” he admits. “Knowing that I’m trying to break free and leave but never really able to cut her out of my life. Knowing that however much I tell her I hate her, I’ll still let her do whatever she wants to me.” Dan laughs, quiet. “Sexy, right?”

“If that’s what you’re into, sure, it’s pretty hot,” Nate says, his tone clear like he’s sober in a way Dan isn’t, in a way Dan hasn’t ever been. “If it’s healthy, and it’s making you happy, then yeah, it’s extremely hot. But if she’s got you feeling like you’re trapped and you can’t leave, it’s not sexy, Dan. It sounds terrifying.”

“I could leave,” Dan says. He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince, but he knows it isn’t particularly convincing. “I could leave right now if I wanted to.”

“Why do you stay with her, then?” Nate asks, quiet and sad. There it is, the million dollar question.

Dan looks at Nate, levels him with a look. “You already know the answer to that.”

*

Milo is the answer to that. Ever since Dan saw the sonogram, he was a goner. Georgina had him in the palm of her hand and she knew it. He’d held her hands while she’d given birth, been there for all of it. Let her move into the loft and not even asked her to pay rent. Taken care of Milo, dedicated his life to that baby, his son, Dan’s son, with his little hands and bright eyes and warm, cheerful baby smile.

Georgina had dropped hints, though, that she was going to leave for good, that she was going to take Milo with her, that he wasn’t really Dan’s, anyway. So Dan had asked her what it’d take, to let her let him keep Milo, and he’d been ready to tolerate her for the rest of his life if she’d wanted to stay.

He doesn’t regret it, even if it makes him hate himself. He’d written vows that he hadn’t meant, kissed her at the altar feeling like he was headed for his execution. But he’d gotten to go home and hold his son in his arms and sing him lullabies, so it was fine. It was a trade-off he’d been ready to make.

Dan is always there for Milo. He reads him bedtime stories. Sits with him on the floor with wax crayons and colouring books. Watches children’s television with him. Takes him to kindergarten and back. Listens to his overly detailed, verbose narration on every day’s events, on his classmates and teachers and everything else. Dan has been there for everything, from the beginning. Milo’s first word. His first steps. His first laugh. The way he’d inclined his arms asking to be held for the first time. His first day of school. His first friend. The first tooth that fell. The first nightmare that’d woken him up in tears. Every single joy and celebration, every single hurt and downfall.

Dan is determined to be the best dad it is possible to be. No matter what. 

*

Nate puts an arm around Dan’s shoulders, and Dan leans against him.

“I’m worried about you,” he says. He’s looking at Dan like he’s in love with him. Dan can’t remember the last time somebody looked at him like that.

Maybe Serena, in high school, when they were dating. Maybe Vanessa in fourth grade, when he’d lent her a sparkly crayon.

“Don’t be,” Dan says. “I’m fine. As long as I have Milo, I’m fine. And Georgie’s not all bad.”

“You forget that I actually know Georgina,” Nate says, quiet. “What does she have going for her, Dan?”

“She’s pretty hot. And she lets me take charge of Milo’s upbringing, and of taking care of him. What more do I need?” Dan asks.

“Someone who doesn’t treat you like shit?” Nate tries.

Dan shrugs. Thinks of how good all the photos and interviews look, him and Georgina in lifestyle magazines, their smiles utterly fake and unattainably beautiful. They’ve built a life that looks amazing from the outside.

“Where do you propose we find someone like that, hm?” Dan asks, smiling. “Are you offering?”

Nate just looks sad, though. He doesn’t say it, but Dan suspects Nate feels sorry for him. The look on his face is a quiet, aching sort of grief.

“Listen,” Nate says, solemn. “If we can get you and Milo out of there. With like, lawyers and things? I have the money. We can build a case, get you away from there. Would you want to do that? I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you,” Dan says, beginning to feel choked up now, “but I couldn’t. I absolutely couldn’t. Milo needs his mom.”

“Dan,” Nate says, softly. “What about what you need? Let me be there for you.”

Dan laughs under his breath, no humour to it. “Nate,” he says, softly, hopelessly. _Don’t fall in love with me,_ he thinks. _It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it for someone like you. Give your heart to someone who actually deserves it._ He wants Nate to give up on him, but Nate never gives up on people – that’s what Georgina doesn’t understand, doesn’t know about him. Still, it’s terrifying, and too much of a risk. “Nate, you need to – I can’t – ”

“It’s okay,” Nate says, perceptive in that way that nobody knows he is, sensing Dan’s discomfort and knowing that it’s time to drop the topic. “It’s okay. Come on. I’ll get the blankets out, and set your alarm for five. You need to get a good night’s rest.”

Dan never gets a good night’s rest, unless he’s at Nate’s. “Alright,” he says, managing a weak, albeit genuine, smile. “Thanks, bro.”

“Anytime you need,” Nate says, and he smiles and gets up, patting Dan’s shoulder before he leaves. Dan pretends not to notice the sadness in his eyes.

 _I’ll come back to you_ , he thinks. It’s not Georgina he can’t let go of, not Georgina who he clings to with desperation, as if she’s the only thing keeping him alive. He can’t survive any of it without Nate. He lies down on the sofa, stares at Nate’s ceiling. Nate isn’t stupid; he probably knows as much. Dan’s lucky he doesn’t prod or interfere.

He sighs, closes his eyes. He falls asleep like that, even before Nate returns with the blankets. Nate drapes the blankets over Dan, careful not to wake him, and goes into the kitchen to make himself the strongest coffee he possibly can. It’s not like he’s going to get much sleep tonight, anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a multi-chap work now, because i can't stop thinking about this universe, apparently!  
> i messed around with the timeline a bit, i think, but it definitely wasn't on purpose. pls just roll with it :'))

Things are fine. At least, that’s what Dan tells himself. Every morning waking up to Georgina lying next to him in bed, making himself breakfast, taking Milo to school, helping around the house, idling around outdoors until it’s time to pick Milo up again, he tells himself he can survive it. For Milo, who needs a mom. For Milo, he’d do anything.

And there are nights he needs to get away. One night he even ends up calling Nate at three in the morning from a nearby payphone, just to hear his voice. They don’t mention it later, but Dan suspects that that’s part of where the worry even started for Nate. There wasn’t really plausible deniability anymore – he’d finally understood the extent to which Dan was going through hell.

Georgie can be a lot, as a wife. She’d been a lot, even as a friend, even as a girlfriend, but Milo needs his mom. She’s never been bad to Milo, though, in any way. That is the only thing that matters.

One day, though, two weeks after Dan’s latest sleepover in secret at Nate’s, after Dan’s picked up his kid from school and is fixing him a snack, Milo asks Dan, “Why don’t you get a divorce?”

Dan, who’s halfway through spreading PB on a slice of bread, stops. He’d always encouraged Milo to ask questions candidly, to be open about whatever was bothering him, so the fact that Milo is asking is good, in that sense. Being asked about your failing marriage by your child, however, is never really an easy position to be in, especially when your kid is six and is looking at you like you hung the stars.

“Sweetie, where’s this coming from?” Dan asks, continuing to spread the peanut butter.

“There’s this girl in my class, Katie, and her parents divorce went through a while ago, and she says both her parents are much happier now,” Milo says. “I want both my parents to be happy.”

Dan swallows nervously, forcing himself to take slow and deep breaths. _Both your parents are very happy, darling,_ is a lie, and Dan doesn’t lie to Milo. Ever.

Instead, he says, “When I was younger, my parents got a divorce. My mom just left my dad, and I remember I was really upset and hurt when she did. My sister and I needed her, and when she left, it hurt, and our family wasn’t really the same, after.”

“Mom isn’t good to you,” Milo says. He hasn’t been listening, Dan suspects. “Dad, I know she isn’t good to you. You don’t look happy around her.”

“Will you be okay, though?” Dan asks, feeling a little choked up but pushing the feeling down. “If you don’t have a Mom?”

“It’s not like she’s around much anyway,” Milo says, extremely unconcerned. “Lacey has two moms, and she’s never wanted a dad. You’re the parent who’s been there for everything. If Mom is making you sad, I don’t want you to stay for me.”

Dan’s kid is _perceptive._ He must get that from Jenny – Dan’s certain that he was nothing like this at Milo’s age.

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” Dan tells Milo. “These aren’t decisions I can make on the spur of the moment, love. But I’m glad I have your support.”

*

A few days later, he and Milo visit the supermarket together, popping in right after school on the way home.

Dan’s surprised to see none other than Blair Waldorf in one of the aisles, pushing a baby stroller, and carrying a basket. He’s ready to pretend he hasn’t seen her, but Blair looks up and sees him and smiles at him. “Dan?”

There’s nothing for it, he walks over to her, Milo still holding his hand. “Blair,” he says, giving her a small smile. “Hi.”

Blair smiles back, and asks, “How’ve you been?”

“You know, the usual,” Dan says, even though he himself doesn’t really know what that means. “You?”

“I’ve been great,” Blair says. She’s about to say something more, but she’s interrupted by Milo, who puts his hands on the side of the baby stroller and tries to peer down.

“Milo,” Dan says, gently but firmly. “Darling, you have to _ask_ , that’s not your baby.”

Milo looks apologetic, and looks at Blair. “I’m sorry.”

“He’s a bit baby crazy,” Dan explains.

“Must get that from his dad,” Blair says, smirking. She doesn’t say anything about how Milo himself is tiny, for which Dan is grateful – Milo hates it when adults baby him.

He really is a lot like a little Jenny Humphrey, sometimes.

“They’re just so small,” Milo tells Blair seriously. “With their little fingers, and big eyes, and stubby little toes. They’re so _tiny._ And to think, we were all babies once! Every single human was once that small. Isn’t that _fascinating_?”

“Yeah, he’s your kid alright, Humphrey,” Blair says, smiling at Dan companionably. To Milo, she says, “Yeah, it definitely is. That’s how I felt when Henry was born, too, you know? This tiny, wonderful, little baby? He’s going to grow up to do big things. That’s how your dad felt about you, too.”

Dan feels touched in a way he can’t put into words, which is new for him. He just smiles.

“Milo, do you think you could give me and your dad a minute alone?” Blair asks. She gently pushes the stroller into his hands, and says, “You can stroll Henry around, talk to him. Don’t take him out of the pram, and stay where your dad and I can see you, alright?”

“Okay!” Milo chirps, and takes the handle of the stroller, walking down the aisle very carefully.

“You trust my kid with your baby?” Dan says, bemused.

“Yeah, he’s yours,” Blair says, knocking her shoulder against Dan. It’s a move that makes Dan think of Nate. “I know that you’ve probably trained that child to overthink.”

“Now that’s just rude,” Dan says, but he’s amused, and he thinks Blair knows it.

“Well, whatever,” Blair says, dismissive. “Humphrey. I need to know. How are you holding up?”

Nate’s voice echoes in his mind. _You look like shit._ Dan wonders if it’s that obvious, if he’s being that transparent.

“Why do I feel like you’re asking a question you already know the answer to?” Dan tries.

“I know you think she’s changed, or something,” Blair says, quiet. “But I was around when Georgina broke Serena’s heart. I’ve seen how she operates, Dan, and I’m worried about you. You don’t look like yourself.”

“And what is myself supposed to look like?”

“When you were dating Serena,” Blair says, “And Vanessa. And Olivia. You were so happy. You looked so comfortable, almost like you were glowing with it? With Georgina, you look…”

“Like shit?” Dan suggests.

Blair, to his surprise, giggles. “You said it, not me. I was just going to say ‘tired.’”

Dan rolls his eyes, but then, watching Milo animatedly chatter to Henry, while inspecting a packet of noodles, he feels like he needs to talk about this.

“How did you decide you had to leave Chuck?” he asks, instead.

It’s a personal question, but the entire discussion has been personal.

Blair looks at him, clearly understanding why he’s asking. “I didn’t trust my child’s well-being around him,” she says. “I’ve seen Chuck at his worst, and I couldn’t let my child be around that, ever.”

“Georgie would never hurt Milo,” Dan says softly, thinking aloud.

Blair seems to understand the spirit in which it’s being said, because she doesn’t make any snide remarks over it. “Georgina is hurting you,” she says, instead. “Isn’t she? And do you want Milo to grow up thinking that a relationship like the one you’re in right now is normal and healthy? Do you want him to end up in a relationship like this one, because he thinks it’s an okay situation to be in? You were in the same psych and socio classes as me, Humphrey, surely you remember social learning theory?”

“Bandura, 1960s, I think,” Dan says. “Blair, I don’t – it’s not – ”

“You shouldn’t have to be in a relationship where you’re shielding your child from harm, Dan,” Blair tells him.

“It’s not that easy to leave,” Dan murmurs, gaze drifting again to Milo, who’s now looking at a jumbo pack of marshmallows and trying to show Henry something on the shelf, pointing and gesturing animatedly.

“You’re talking to me, I know it’s hard,” Blair tells him. “But I also know that it’ll be so much better once you’re out. You’ll feel freer. Lighter. Safer. It’s indescribable, how good it is.”

“I’m happy for you, Blair,” Dan says. He means it in general and as a response, and he can tell by the way she smiles that she gets it. “Truly am.”

“Thank you,” she says. “It helps to remember that you’re never truly alone. I had Serena’s support through it all. You have friends, just remember that.”

Dan nods. “Nate’s been invaluable all through this. I think. I might actually go forward with, you know. Leaving her.”

“We’re both children of divorces,” Blair says to him, softly. “But I think our situations are nothing like our parents’. If staying means getting hurt, leaving is the only way.”

Dan nods. Milo and Henry are coming back now, and he has to do the shopping and get back home, but he asks her, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Blair gives him one of her Queen B smiles. “I owed Serena one,” she says, and Dan laughs, despite himself.

*

He thinks about it all through shopping with Milo, though. And during dinner with Georgie, and while he’s lying awake in bed while she’s asleep, watching the ceiling. He thinks about it the next day, taking Milo to school. And then, in the afternoon, while he waits for school to end for Milo, lounging around in a coffee shop with a blueberry muffin and a big cup of coffee, emboldened by everything, he calls Nate, ready to talk.

If Milo’s asking Dan to get a divorce, Dan doesn’t have a single reason to stay. He thinks about Blair, a single mother, a powerful woman. He thinks that maybe he’s finally ready to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nate pov!!  
> this chapter is (to me) the heart of the fic, in some ways. or well - the crux of it? the centre of it?? i don't know but i _do_ know that this was really special to write & i hope that it's a good read, too. 
> 
> special thanks to [mysteriesofloves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysteriesofloves) for all the encouragement & support!!

Dan doesn’t usually call in the middle of the day, so Nate’s first thought is a worry, a _what if something is majorly wrong._ He picks up halfway through the second ring, says, “Hey, you okay?”

“Oh yeah, man, I’m good,” Dan says, and it doesn’t sound like he’s faking it. “Listen, uh, are you free? I’ve got to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah,” Nate says, mouth suddenly dry. “Of course. Come right over.”

“I’ll bring Milo,” Dan says. “We can likely just do a few hours after school. I’ll need to be back home in time for dinner, but if you’ve got until then?”

“Yes,” Nate says. “You can come over whenever, you _know_ that.”

“Cool,” Dan says, and Nate thinks he can hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll see you.”

*

The door rings sooner than Nate’s expecting, but instead of Dan there, it’s Serena.

“Surprise!” she says, giggling. “Just thought I’d stop by to say hello!”

Nate smiles, wraps his arms around her, spins her around, pulls his phone out of his pocket and shoots Dan a text so that he knows.

“Hi!” he says, because she’s _Serena_ , and he isn’t going to ask her to leave unless Dan tells him it’s an emergency or something. “There’s ice-cream in the freezer, help yourself. How’s life been treating you?”

“Ah, the usual,” Serena says, smiling. “Stuff’s great! I’ll be flying to Iceland later, they want me to do a feature of sorts there. I’m really looking forward to photographing some of the more famous haunts.”

Nate nods, listening intently. He feels a little lighter, the way he always does when he’s with Serena.

*

The doorbell rings half an hour later.

Nate opens the door, and Dan enters, holding Milo’s hand. Milo’s excited to see Nate, as always, and enthusiastically attempts to hug Nate, which is a difficult feat given how small he is. Nate bends over, scoops Milo in his arms.

“Huh, he doesn’t usually like being picked up,” Dan tells Nate. To Milo, he says, “What’s this, I thought you were all about being a big boy?”

“It’s only _patronizing_ when you do it, ‘cause you’re my dad,” Milo says cheerfully. By the way he’s pronouncing it, Nate can tell that this is a word Milo is very proud to know and to be able to say.

He is so very much Dan’s child.

“Hey, Dan,” Nate says. “Did you get my last text?”

“I haven’t really checked my phone since messaging Georgie to tell her that Milo and I were doing an evening out,” Dan says. “I was driving, and I’d put it on do not disturb, you know?”

“Well, I just wanted to let you know – Serena is – ” Nate doesn’t get far into the warning; he’s interrupted by the timely arrival of none other than Serena herself.

Her face lights up as she sees Dan, the expression of joy not unlike that of a child at a birthday party. “Dan!” She runs over to him, wraps her arms around him enthusiastically. “It’s so good to see you, how’ve you been?”

Dan’s gone very still, but as Nate watches, he leans into it, melting into her embrace, pressing his face against her shoulder, letting his arms encircle her waist. “Serena,” he says, quiet. “It’s good to see you, too.”

Intuitively, Nate knows he needs to give them a moment to themselves. After all, if anyone can empathise with Dan from experience where Georgina is concerned, it’s Serena. Serena can definitely give Dan something he cannot, as far as all this goes. So he puts Milo down on the ground, and takes his hand.

“We’re going to be watching TV if you need us,” he tells them, and the two of them walk over to the room with the TV, and sit on the couch, leaving Dan and Serena to their own devices.

“So, what do you want to watch, little dude?” Nate asks, flipping through channels. “I’ve got most of the cartoon channels subscribed, do you have a favourite show or movie?”

“What’s your favourite movie, can we watch that?” Milo asks. “Or is it an adult movie, like the things Mom has on disc that Dad doesn’t let me see?”

Nate makes a choked noise, tries to disguise it with a cough. “My favourite movie’s totally age appropriate for you,” he says, and gets out the Sound of Music. “It’s got songs and everything.”

“We’ve got a CD of the soundtrack,” Milo informs him seriously. “Dad sings me these songs sometimes when I get nightmares. Not so much now, because I’m a mature and grown up kid, but he used to when I was little.”

Nate smiles. “Yeah, I can imagine,” he says, thinking of back when Milo was still a baby, how much Dan had sung to him, nonsense songs and snippets of things from commercials and choir and anything and everything. “Sounds like something your dad would do.”

“You’re not a boring adult,” Milo tells Nate warmly. “Most grown-ups are boring and want to be, like, _profound,_ but you’re so not like that.”

“When I was your age,” Nate tells him seriously, “all the adults around me were like that, and I never liked it much. So now that I’m an adult, I’m trying not to be like that.”

Milo looks at him thoughtfully, before nodding seriously.

“No wonder Dad likes you so much,” he says, quietly.

Nate, despite himself, is curious. “Oh?” he asks.

“You’re his best friend,” Milo says. “He always has this smile in his voice when he’s talking about you.”

“That’s nice,” Nate says. “He’s my best friend, too.”

“Will you take care of him?” Milo asks.

“What?” Nate asks.

They’re still on the Main Menu on his Sound of Music DVD, and he feels like he’s losing his mind, just a little.

“Take care of him,” Milo repeats, serious in a way that’s somehow amplified by the fact that he’s just six years old. “Dad takes care of me, but nobody takes care of Dad. Do you think you can? You’re his best friend, you should, right? I have this best friend, Lacey, and once I got hurt on the playground and she got me the first-aid kit, and found me a nice band-aid. A limited edition one, with glow in the dark dinosaurs, and everything! As Dad’s best friend, you should take care of him too, it’s part of the job, isn’t it?”

Nate swallows. “Yeah,” he tells Milo, quiet. “There’s nothing I want as much as to be able to do that.”

“Good!” Deciding that the conversation is over now, Milo grabs the remote from Nate’s hand, pressing play.

Dan chooses that moment to enter. “Sweetheart, what have I told you about snatching?” he chides. “People will give you things if you ask nicely.”

Milo seems chastened. “Sorry,” he says, heartfelt.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Nate says.

Serena parades over with a bowl of popcorn, sits next to Milo. “So, kid! What are we watching?”

Milo shifts, cupping his hands and whispering something in Serena’s ear, animated and excited and secretive. Dan and Nate exchange a look.

“Great!” Serena says. “That’s so clever.”

She leans forward, and whispers something in Milo’s ear. Dan and Nate exchange another look.

“Right,” Dan says. “Uh. We’re gonna leave you to it, okay? We’ll be in the kitchen.” He takes Nate’s hand, and pulls him up, not letting go of the hand even when Nate is standing, leading him to the kitchen.

Nate expects Milo to protest, since, after all, it’s Nate’s favourite movie that’s playing. But Milo seems pretty comfortable leaning against Serena, sharing popcorn and talking animatedly to her while the movie plays.

“Should I be offended that your kid likes Serena more than he likes me?” Nate asks Dan, once they’re in the kitchen.

Dan has made himself very much at home, opening Nate’s fridge like it’s his, pulling out some fruit and perching on the kitchen counter, eating grapes from a plastic carton.

“What can I say,” Dan says, laughing. “He’s got taste, Serena _is_ cooler than you.”

“Ouch,” Nate says, but he’s laughing too. “You wound me, Dan.”

Dan flicks a grape at him, smiles crookedly. “Oh, yeah?”

One thing would lead to another, usually, given that it’s them. Nate can imagine how easy it would be to run to the other side of the kitchen, dare Dan to toss him some grapes, catch them in his mouth, make a whole sport out of it. But Georgina’s ring on Dan’s finger, and the tiredness in Dan’s expression, the lines around his eyes, as well as Milo’s pep talk earlier make Nate stop and consider the situation, make him realise that whatever brought Dan to his house this afternoon wasn’t just the need to fool around with food in the kitchen.

“Hey,” Nate says, knocking his shoulder against Dan as he stands next to him, taking a grape from the carton absently. “You okay?”

Dan smiles, but he isn’t really looking at Nate. “I will be. I’ve been thinking,” he stops, and then gets up from the counter, putting the fruit down, going back to the fridge. “Ugh, I need a drink.”

“You need to drive back home,” Nate points out. “Better not to.”

Dan’s phone goes off then, a chiming sound. “Notif for Georgie,” Dan explains, checking his messages. “Oh, she says she’s going to be out all night.”

“Is she seeing other people?” Nate asks, even though he knows it’s none of his business.

Dan gives him a mischievous smile. “Why do you care? You want to sleep with my wife, Mr Archibald?”

Nate swallows. He could tell Dan the truth, which is, _I want to sleep with you, not her, that’s why I care!_ but instead, he just says, “You’re right. It’s none of my business, sorry.”

“I was just teasing,” Dan says, knocking his shoulder against Nate’s. “No biggie, chill.”

“Dude, you’re so weird,” Nate says, smiling. Everything feels normal again, easy in the way things always are between the two of them. Then, he remembers, “You said you wanted a drink? You can spend the night here, right?”

“Yeah, okay,” Dan says. “I’ll have to check with Milo, but I think he won’t mind. We’re lucky it’s a Friday, no school tomorrow.”

“You’re such a good dad,” Nate says, wonderingly, pushing aside the impulse to kiss Dan’s cheek as he sidesteps him, opens the fridge and tosses him a can of beer, before getting one for himself. “So, what were you thinking about?”

“I’m going to file for divorce,” Dan says, resolute. He opens the can, takes a big sip. “I need to ensure I can get custody of Milo, so I might need, uh. Divorce lawyers? I don’t know how to get divorced. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I need to do it. I can’t – I thought I could go on like this, but I can’t, I really can’t, especially if it’s messing with how I’m able to parent – Milo deserves a dad who isn’t, like, fucking damaged all the time – ”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nate says, walking up to Dan, putting his hands on his shoulders, steadying him. “You’re a great dad, and you’re not damaged, don’t say that about yourself.”

Dan leans into Nate, pulling him into a hug. “I don’t know if you actually believe that, but anyway. That’s neither here nor there. Nate, she’s hurting me, and she’s not doing anything for Milo, either. She’s doing _nothing_ for Milo. I can’t – there’s no point in staying with her. No point.”

“I am so fucking proud of you,” Nate says, returning the hug. “So, so, fucking proud. We’ll figure it out, okay? I can help you with like, lawyer stuff and everything. I told you I’d help before, the offer still stands.”

“I might take you up on that,” Dan says, quiet, pulling away from the hug a little. “Every time I let myself think about leaving, on my own, it feels like too much? Knowing that I have you and Blair and Serena in my corner, well. It helps.”

“I’m glad,” Nate says. _I love you,_ he thinks.

“You’re sweet,” Dan says, and it’s genuine. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Well, you can get used to it,” Nate says. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Dan smiles, moving over to where the carton of fruit is placed on the counter, taking it, and sitting down on the kitchen floor with it on his lap. After a moment of quiet consideration, Nate sits down next to him, and takes another grape from the carton.

“What’d you and Serena discuss, if you don’t mind my asking?” he asks, softly.

“Serena’s used to Georgie’s deal,” Dan says. “I think she’s been through some of what I’m going through now, which you already know. We were talking about that a little.”

Nate nods, waiting for Dan to go on.

“She doesn’t, I don’t know, resent me for disappearing,” Dan says, quiet. “I thought she would.”

“We all understood, you know. Things with Georgina…” Nate stops halfway through, knowing that he can’t really say anything much of value. “You had to take care of yourself, and Milo. None of us resent you for it.”

“I married someone who, what was your phrasing? treats me like shit.” Dan smiles, no humour to it, his eyes empty. “I knew what I was doing while I did it, and I did it for Milo. I wouldn’t do things differently, if I had a chance. But I think enough’s enough, you know? And I’m lucky that, like, you and Serena, and hell, even _Blair,_ are just so fucking patient and non-judgemental about it. Serena especially, I mean. Milo knows who she is because he’s seen photographs, and I couldn’t lie to him about her, but he never really got to know her, not like he got to know you. And Serena could hold it against me, but she isn’t.”

“Yeah, that’s because we’re your friends,” Nate says. “We just want you to be okay.”

“I will be,” Dan says. He doesn’t sound like he’s trying to convince Nate of it. He sounds like it’s something he knows for sure. “I will be.”

*

Serena stays for dinner, which ends up with them ordering pizza and eating mini-yoghurts as a dessert (“to Blair Waldorf,” Dan says, raising his yoghurt like it’s a champagne glass, clinking it against Serena’s. “Cheers.” Nate’s smiling, taking a video to send to Blair.)

Milo seems to have taken an immediate liking to Serena, and is talking to her non-stop about school and classes and his best friend Lacey and the hopscotch tournament that his classmates are taking very seriously that occupies most of their breaks.

Nate’s watching Dan, who looks comfortable and at ease, and feeling a sense of relief he can’t fully put into words. It’s like being able to breathe after a long time choking.

After dinner, Serena hugs all of them, kisses Nate and Dan’s cheeks, and kisses the top of Milo’s head, and leaves, telling Nate that she’ll call him later, telling Dan not to be a stranger, telling Milo that he can email her or call her if he wants. The house feels a little less alive once she’s left.

“Dad, she’s so cool,” Milo says wonderingly.

“I know, honey,” Dan says. “She’s always been like that.”

*

The only major hitch occurs during bedtime and bed allotment. Nate’s house is modestly small, and he only has one bed. It’d been a whole thing – renouncing his family’s money, taking cooking classes, buying a small apartment, figuring it all out, and living a life that isn’t overwhelming and characterised by excess.

Usually, when Dan stays over, he takes the couch. No big deal.

Usually, when Dan stays over, he doesn’t bring his kid.

“Uh,” Nate frowns. “Listen, dude, you and Milo can take the bed. It’s big enough for two, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Nate, no, we can’t possibly make you sleep on the couch in your own house,” Dan says. “It’s not right.”

“It’s not a problem,” Nate says. “You’ve slept on my couch, you _know_ it’s comfortable.”

“Yes,” Dan agrees, “but –”

“I want the couch,” Milo says. He walks over to it, and sits down on it obstinately. “I’m a big boy! I have my own bed at home. I don’t want to share with Dad. No offence, Dad.”

Dan smiles for a moment, and then goes, “Well. That’s one way to solve the problem. Nate and I will set up the couch bed for you, why don’t you go and brush your teeth meanwhile?”

“I got my spare toothbrush!” Milo announces, and runs off.

“Why does he have a spare toothbrush?” Nate asks.

Dan shrugs. “He thinks it’s good to be prepared always. He carries that thing to school, too. Kid’s got his quirks, as long as they’re not hurting anyone I don’t see the harm in it.”

“Speaking of,” Nate says, leading Dan to the bedroom, where they’re going to get blankets and a pillow for Milo. “How are we going to do this? Are you comfortable sharing a bed with me?”

Dan shrugs. “I’m okay if you are. Milo probably didn’t mean anything by it, he shares the bed with his friends at sleepovers all the time, and that’s the context in which he suggested it, too. I don’t think my six-year-old son is trying to set me up with you, in case you’re wondering.”

 _I think he is,_ Nate thinks, but he decides that this is a conversation that can wait. He says, instead, “Let’s set up the sofa bed for Milo, and then we can talk.”

They do that. Dan, miraculously, has a change of clothes for Milo, and Nate gives them both a moment, going into the kitchen to drink cold water from the fridge. He spends ten minutes in there.

He comes out to see Dan adjusting the blankets as he tucks Milo in. Dan kisses Milo’s forehead, turns the lights off, and says goodnight.

Once they’re in the bedroom, Nate sits on the side of his bed, and Dan sits next to him.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable?” Nate asks again.

“Yeah,” Dan says, exhaling. “I always am, around you.”

It’s a statement that makes Nate feel strangely bittersweet – he’s moved by it, of course, he’s touched, but at the same time, this is what he wants for Dan always and all the time.

“Sharing a bed is a lot, though, especially since, uh,” Nate wills himself to be brave, continues, “my feelings for you aren’t solely platonic. I’m in love with you.”

For a single, earth-shattering moment, Dan is quiet, and then he says, sounding like he’s smiling a little, “I know.”

“You know?” Nate echoes, slightly incredulous.

“Nate, you’re not very discreet,” Dan says, giving him a small smile. “It’s fine. I’ve never felt unsafe around you. I trust you. I’m still okay with sharing the bed.”

Nate nods, then. He feels oddly bereft though, now that he’s said it, now that he knows Dan knows, now that the truth of it is out there. Nate Archibald is in love with Dan Humphrey. Dan Humphrey knows it. It’s oddly anti-climactic.

Maybe his expression is too transparent, because Dan puts an arm around him, pulls him closer in something that’s almost a hug.

“I’m sorry, I know this is a shitty response,” Dan says, quiet. “I just. Let me handle things with Georgie, okay? Once that’s out of the way, I can actually consider things. I don’t – I’m kind of a mess, Nate. You don’t need to deal with that.”

“What if I want to?” Nate asks, softly, not looking at Dan. “What if I really want to?”

“Wait for until after the divorce,” Dan says. “I don’t want us to get in a situation where Georgina has something on me, or tries to use you against me, or something like that. We both know what she’s capable of. I’ll be a lot more comfortable if we explore, you know, something like that after. Because, well, I do like you – I _do_. You’re my best friend, you’re a wonderful person, and I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. I’d love to, you know, be with you like that, but right now it’s hard for me, because Georgina. So, give me time.”

“That makes sense,” Nate says, softly. “Yeah, of course. Sorry if I put you on the spot.”

“You didn’t, shut up,” Dan says, swatting at Nate’s shoulder, letting him go, lying down on the bed. “Ugh, I can’t possibly sleep in jeans.”

Nate walks over to his cupboard, pulls out joggers and an old jersey from St Jude’s. “This okay with you?”

“Both these articles of clothing have ARCHIBALD printed on them,” Dan says, but he’s grinning. “I don’t mind. I would keep them forever, but I’ll have to change out of them before going home, unfortunately.”

*

Later on, when they’re lying in bed, Nate sleepily puts his hand on Dan’s cheek, marvelling at the way the angles of Dan’s face feel under his palm.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he tells Dan, sleepily.

“I know,” Dan says. His eyes still look worried, but he yawns, and shifts, kissing the centre of Nate’s palm before swatting his hand away. “I know.”

It sounds like Dan really believes it, this time. Dan falls asleep quickly, as always, and Nate lies awake, acutely aware of the distance between their bodies. He turns around, curling up on his side. He closes his eyes, allows himself to hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next bit will be up soon, which will conclude this work, but i'm painfully attached to this universe, so i MIGHT make a series anyway, with milo growing up & whatnot.


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> & we're done! this one runs through things a lot, but i might expand it later / turn this little universe into a series. i just wanted something that fast forwarded to the end.
> 
> thank you [solange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinberlin) \- ngl, i might have just left this at the first chapter with an ambiguous ending, but they deserved a happy ending, and your comment & general enthusiasm swayed me enough that the choice to continue this one was made for me. i'm so glad that we're friends!

Georgina is strangely accepting of the divorce.

“I knew this was coming,” she tells Dan. “I’m surprised you didn’t do it sooner.”

Dan stares at her.

“Six years is a pretty good run, though, isn’t it?” she looks pleased with herself, and Dan doesn’t know what to do, how to navigate that.

“Sure,” he says.

“You want to keep the kid,” she says. “You’re in luck; I hate being a mother.”

Dan nods, waiting. He knows there’s a catch.

“I want the house, though,” she says. “And, the money you made off that book, the one about Serena? I need at least three-fourths of it.”

Dan blinks. “I’ll need to, uh, make arrangements. And talk to my lawyer. I’ll get back to you.”

He gives in though, in the end. As long as he gets to keep Milo, nothing else really matters. Plus, better not to leave Georgina resentful. She’s always had a mean streak for revenge.

*  
Dan and Milo move in with Nate, somewhere in the middle of the divorce proceedings, but close enough to the end that Dan can _finally_ take that damned ring off and feel no guilt. Nate turns an empty room he’s been using as storage, with boxes and boxes of photo frames and other miscellaneous things, into Milo’s bedroom, and while it’s small, Milo doesn’t seem to mind, especially since Nate’s got a great collection of movies and video games and while Dan does ration how much time Milo spends on screens, he doesn’t prohibit him or stop him from any of it.

Milo, overall, is very happy with recent developments, and often spends weekends playing Super Mario with Nate. He doesn’t seem to miss Georgina very much, which – Dan tries not to think too much about that.

Milo gets to be a sort of elder brother to Henry, too, and Dan and Blair reconnect properly, no shadow of Serena hanging over them. They realise they like a lot of the same movies, and they become good friends almost instantaneously. Dan realises, though, that if Blair likes the same movies as he does, she’ll likely have more interesting conversations with Vanessa, who’s an aspiring filmmaker, after all. After some prodding both of them, he manages to convince them to get in touch, and they start exchanging long emails, and then, having long phone calls, and Dan feels like he’s watching a romance unfold in front of his eyes.

It’s nice.

*

There’s Nate. Of course there’s Nate.

When they move in, Nate automatically fits into the step-dad role, without even trying or realising, and Dan is strangely comfortable with this. If it had to be anyone, he’s glad it’s Nate. It’s also good being able to co-parent – Dan hadn’t realised how entirely individually he’d been taking care of Milo, but now that Georgina is out of the picture, and Nate’s with him, he’s realising for the first time in years what it’s like raising a kid and not feeling entirely alone doing it.

Georgie had been fine while Milo was still a baby. They’d split tasks fifty-fifty, once. Then he’d married her, and she’d told him that she couldn’t possibly be a full-time mom, and things hadn’t been that fifty-fifty anymore.

They are, sort of, now. It’s gradual and easy. Sometimes Nate picks Milo up after school, or drops him at school in the mornings. Sometimes, after Dan’s therapy appointments, if he needs more time to himself, Nate can cover for him, taking care of Milo while Dan walks around the park in circles, trying to find some kind of quiet in the noisiness of his head. Sometimes, when Blair and Serena insist that Dan join them for “Girls night” (he isn’t sure why he’s their token Not-a-Girl friend who gets invited along, but he goes with it anyway), he can do it with the knowledge that Nate’ll look after Milo when he’s gone. Just things like that – he no longer has to bear the responsibility of being a dad entirely on his own.

And gradually, after a few months of just being friends, but with slightly romantic undertones (sharing the sofa during romantic movies, Dan’s head on Nate’s shoulder, or Nate feeding Dan something he’s cooked, holding up a fork to his mouth, or the fact that they always share the bed, platonically, but still) – finally, when things feel stable enough, Dan talks to Nate about it, and their transition from friends to lovers is easy, easy as everything always is with them. It’s just like being best friends, except with more kissing, and – other things.

Nate seems content with whatever they’re doing, and he lets Dan set the pace, and Dan, who still sometimes feels like the life he’s living in is too perfect and he’s going to wake up from the dream curled up in Georgina’s overly tight embrace, takes his own time with things. He knows Nate is happy even with just this, them curled up on the couch together, Milo sitting on a beanbag, watching the Lion King.

Nate is in love with him, and Nate is considerate and thoughtful and, Dan thinks, just _too good_ of a human, really. So, it works.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

“You can’t take Nate with you for show-and-tell, sweetheart,” Dan tries to convince Milo over breakfast. “I think you’re supposed to take an object.”

Nate just laughs. “I’m sure you can find something more interesting than me to take, but I’m flattered.”

Milo scowls, gets up, taking Nate’s hand. “But I want to _show_ ,” he insists, “ _and_ tell! I really want to!”

Dan shrugs. “If Nate’s okay with it, I don’t mind.”

Nate raises an eyebrow. “Not enjoying the implication that I’m an object, Humphrey.”

“You’re the object of my love and affection,” Dan says, smiling. “Happy?”

“Come on, come on, come on,” Milo choruses, seemingly bored of this conversation, pulling Nate out of the door. “You’re taking me to school today, and we need to distribute invites for my seventh birthday party!”

Dan smiles as he watches them go. Nate looks over his shoulder as he walks out of the door, smiling back at Dan. “Love you,” he mouths, over Milo’s excited sermon about the merits of vanilla cake with three layers and multicoloured sprinkles.

“Love you too,” Dan mouths back.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ bisexualdanhumphrey, come say hi if you want!


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